LSD trip due to burnout

After I had my trip therapy, I promised Marcel I would write a review, but that I would only do so in the longer term. I wanted to know what the long-term effects would be. Now I think it is time to write that review.

The reason for choosing trip therapy was that I had been recovering from burnout for over two years. I felt like I wasn't making any progress. That is also why I chose LSD. I felt I needed a hard reset. Marcel had warned me that a disadvantage of LSD compared to psilocybin could be that LSD has a longer-lasting effect. If I didn't like it, it could turn out to be a long-lasting, unpleasant experience. Because I was somewhat at my wit's end, I decided to accept this.

Marcel arrived at my home around half past ten in the morning. After a brief conversation, I took the LSD in combination with psilocybin. It didn't take long before I noticed the first effects. It became harder to focus, the ceiling beams began to move, and the glass lamp above the table became a floating and moving ball of water. I noticed that I could no longer concentrate on what Marcel was saying to me. I lay down under a blanket on the couch, and when I closed my eyes, I was soon completely carried away by the music Marcel had put on. The play of light and color I saw was very impressive. I experienced dissolving into the universe and that this universe resided inside my head. During my burnout, I had felt trapped in my own head all that time, but now I felt a freedom within that same head that I had never felt before. The experience was fantastic, more beautiful and impressive than all the trips I have ever taken combined.

As the intensity of the trip began to decrease, Marcel asked me to try to focus on the goals I had set for myself. I had told him that I wanted to reconnect with the child I once was, so I had dug up a small photo of myself as a boy. Marcel handed me the photo and suggested that I look at it for a while.

The little boy in the photo looked at me seriously. I caught myself thinking, “There he goes again with his dead eyes,‘ and I realized that this was apparently how I thought about myself. I suddenly saw blood running down my forehead, but when I looked closer, it turned out to be a piece of Indian jewelry, a small necklace hanging over my forehead. The drop of blood turned out to be a gemstone. The little boy in the photo transformed into a girl, then into an Indian god, and back into a little boy. Then he started dancing in front of me in a South Park-esque way. It seemed as if he wanted to make me laugh, but he kept looking deadly serious. Just when I was wondering if I could make him laugh, the little boy grabbed a laughing mouth cut out of a magazine and held it in front of his own mouth. It was as if he was incapable of laughing, but wanted to let me know that he definitely had a sense of humor.

After this, I lay down on the couch again for a moment. I noticed that I was squeezing the fleece blanket I had over me. I didn't quite understand what I was feeling. Suddenly, I was startled because I felt the blanket squeezing back. But then I felt the blanket hugging me. Bizarre experience. Apart from that, I actually hardly saw or experienced any scary things. The few things that might have been scary disappeared when I just looked at them and didn't resist.

When I woke up again, my perception was still distorted, but the trip was pretty much over. At some point, Marcel wore off again, and I stood in the garden for a while. The sky was beautiful; breathing in the fresh air was wonderful. Then I took a nice shower, because I had been sweating profusely all day. It had been very intense, as if I had lived two weeks in a day. Around eleven o'clock at night, I noticed that my perception was back to normal, and an hour later I went to bed. Exhausted, but I couldn't sleep for the first few hours. Fortunately, I did manage to lie comfortably relaxed in bed. After that, I slept wonderfully.

The next day I felt battered, but after eating some fruit and nuts—which Marcel had advised me—I soon felt good again.

I felt intensely happy after the trip. That feeling lasted a long time and slowly diminished in the weeks that followed. The same applies to the sense of space in my head. It has now been almost two months since my trip session, and while the aforementioned feelings have diminished, I still feel much better than before. I notice that the "short fuse," irritations, and other negative feelings associated with my burnout are still there, but the difference is that I now realize I have a choice. Where that negativity previously held me in its grip, I now—mostly—feel that I don't necessarily have to pay attention to it.

Looking back, I have thought a lot about the little boy with the dead eyes, and I notice that I now look at myself in a different, positive way. I realize now that the little boy has been through too much, which is why he can no longer laugh, and that he needs me to be kind to him. As long as I do that, I am doing well, I have noticed. Because I now have a better relationship with myself, things are increasingly falling into place. I notice that my gaze is focused on the future again. Recently, I suddenly gained all kinds of insights about what I want for my future and how I can get there. This last point made me feel that this was the right moment to write the review I had promised Marcel. I am incredibly happy that I dared to do this and incredibly grateful that I was able to experience all of this. Hopefully, there will be more attention paid to the possibilities of psychedelic therapy, because I am convinced that this can be beneficial for many people, provided, of course, that it is properly supervised. And for that proper supervision, I want to thank Marcel enormously!