Review of psilocybin therapy Amsterdam

I did my first trip therapy about two weeks ago on a dose of 3. At first, I was a bit scared, thinking it would be the same as my dreams or that I would dwell too much on the negative, but thanks in part to the explanation and guidance from Marcel, it went very well.

During the trip, I experienced my own birth and funeral, which was impressive and moving. After the birth, I was cared for by snakes and women. I think much of this stems from my issues regarding my right to exist. As the trip progressed, I did notice that my sense of right to exist had strengthened and I was more able to say positive things about myself.

Another part of the trip had to do with my past and letting it go. During this, I was in a deep internal debate about whether my past was more of a cage imposing all sorts of limitations on me, or rather a kind of soil/fertilizer from which I was able to grow. Eventually, the two began to intertwine somewhat as a cage unfolded, and a flower grew out of it. This pattern repeated itself for a while afterward. Ultimately, I came to the realization that my past has indeed made me stronger as a person in some ways, but that I don't need to cling to it. Somewhere along the line, I built that cage myself and limited myself by putting a lot of the wrong attention and energy into it, and by viewing it as a major part of my identity by discussing it frequently with everyone—partly as a way to seek attention and thus exist. I notice that I live more in the present now because I use the present more in my stories instead of the past. My dreams don't really revolve around the past anymore these days either.

During the trip, I was also able to observe parts of myself from a third-person perspective. Because of this, I felt the power of my negative thoughts and what they did to me and others, and this was very intense. I became more aware of how much I was poisoning and brainwashing myself. I also noticed how much I was judging myself and how absurd my thoughts can be. For instance, at one point I was wondering if I was doing the trip right, which is ultimately complete bullshit.

At the same time, I also realized that I am better at regulating these feelings and thoughts than I thought. I had received a peacock feather from Marcel, and during the trip, I saw it as a flower. With negative thoughts, it would wilt, and if things got even more negative, it would catch fire and burn up completely. When I switched to positive thoughts, it grew larger, blossomed, and took on all the colors of the rainbow. I was really surprised myself at how smoothly this switching went, and I am trying to use this more in my daily life now.

What I notice regarding the effects afterwards is that I am more in a state of mindfulness. I have fewer thoughts than usual, and the thoughts that do arise don't last as long. Because of this, I am also better able to be more in the moment and experience things more consciously and pleasantly. After the trip, everything really felt different: putting on socks, showering, walking, lying in bed, eating... What also works very well now is doing one thing at a time. Before, I was usually combining everything with the PC and smartphone, preferably with a lot of tabs open and not really consciously engaged in anything. 

Throughout all of this, Marcel was a good guide, striking a good balance of staying in the background, asking questions without directing, and providing extra insights at the right moments. I would certainly like to see if I could take another therapeutic trip to delve a bit deeper.