Topic starter 8 April 2019 20:28
Last Saturday, I had the privilege of experiencing a beautiful psychedelic journey together with Marcel. What has my path been like to get here? I have a susceptibility to depression, and despite this susceptibility, I have achieved a great deal—many beautiful things that I was unable to enjoy due to depression. Underlying my last episode was a gnawing feeling; something didn't feel quite right. I started focusing on finding meaning. But even a sense of meaning could not comfort me when my love for life unconsciously drained away and the depression intensified. I am now past the peak of this episode, during which therapy helped alleviate the symptoms. What helped was the bond with my therapist, insight, and the newly learned coping strategies. However, for me, it did not fully manage to touch the core of the problem, namely the love for life. Where (psycho)therapy works on the level of the intellect, psychedelic therapy works on the level of your soul. With this insight, I went looking for something that could help me take another step forward, and that is how I ended up at Marcel.
I have read up extensively on psilocybin as a medication for the treatment of depression. Marcel employs a holistic approach; the best results are achieved during the trip through healthy nutrition, the right supplements, and sufficient exercise. And this holistic approach worked well for me; eating healthier combined with the supplements already gave me a more vital feeling prior to the trip. This was never addressed during my psychotherapy, but it is truly effective.
The intention of the trip was a level 5 trip, but ultimately it turned into a level 3-4 trip. Every body reacts differently to psilocybin, and I learned that my body therefore needs a somewhat higher dose to reach level 5. However, this did not detract from the trip; I gained beautiful insights from the process. It is truly literally a journey; at first, it slowly became increasingly difficult to formulate thoughts, then it became harder to find the right words, and eventually, I came into contact with my unconscious. The genius of it is that your subconscious knows where your difficulties and wounds lie, what needs attention, and where healing should take place. My subconscious brought me into contact with myself as a very small child, in a time when I was not yet burdened with thoughts, the sense of obligation, judgment, and punishment. As that very small me, I was able to experience feelings of sadness, relief, joy, and wonder in their purest form, without words, without thoughts, without judgment. I could actually no longer remember that little me; it feels like a lifetime ago. The little me was happy and joyful, outdoors, in nature, on the beach, in the playground, playing with his friends and little sister. This little boy loved life; he could be sad, but could also be comforted. His feelings were adaptive and not stuck fast like in my depressions. This has shown me a path that I now understand on an emotional level: a bliss in ordinariness, being outdoors more, playing more. A question I am now asking myself for the first time in my life since the trip: what does the very little me feel like doing? I don't know exactly yet, but I am going to pay a lot of attention to this in the coming time!
The contact with Marcel before and after the trip was very pleasant. Additionally, I found Marcel to be very skilled as a trip coach. I felt safe during the trip; I was extremely vulnerable, and this was handled with gentle care by Marcel. This unconditional positive approach was pleasant; it gave me the space to truly turn inward. Marcel supported me when things became difficult for me during the trip and took good care of me. I am glad we were able to make this journey together. Thank you, Marcel!
9 April 2019 06:34
Thank you so much for this wonderful review. It perfectly reflects what we want to achieve with our approach.
For me, it was especially nice to see that you were very willing to make the best of it. You did a lot yourself by looking up some of the information beforehand and soaking up other information I provided. I learned from you as well.
I am glad we were able to experience this together, so..... Mutual gratitude!
13 June 2019 22:20
Very relatable, I'm going to sign up for trip therapy treatment too.
marcel reacted
13 June 2019 22:51
Last Saturday I did the 2nd trip with @beauterham . He had told me that he had received a new diagnosis. The diagnosis was remission. If all goes well, he is going to write a piece again about the period from the trip to the recovery from the depression and perhaps something about his last trip with trip level 5.
Topic starter 16 June 2019 21:05
Hi @adorable-den-haag and @soulbrother, brave of you to sign up, I hope the experience brings you what you need!
My symptoms of sadness are now practically gone (in remission), I feel much more energetic and vital again, and the depressive episode is over. The chance of me having a new episode in the future is as good as 100%, but that fact does not worry me. Things are what they are, and I make the conscious choice to welcome my sadness whenever it storms into my body with force again.
I chose to take another trip after my first one, because initial scientific insights show that the greater the mystical experience for a person, the greater the therapeutic effect and the duration of this effect will be. With the intention of experiencing a level 5 trip journey this time, I took a fairly large dose of psilocybin. I wanted to experience the dissolution of my ego, to be in direct contact with my subconscious and heart; I believe that is where the key lies that can open the door to deeper self-insight and self-worth. It was once again a beautiful experience, though it took me a little longer this time to put into words what I experienced and learned.
Feelings were even more central on this trip than during my first. Throughout the journey, complex nuances and shades of emotions passed in review. At the peak, I could no longer form thoughts, I knew no words anymore, my ego was briefly absent; the consciousness that was there—and I am convinced that this is our true consciousness (the silent observer)—was experiencing all the feelings that presented themselves on a deep level in a very engaged manner. Some feelings were a direct reminder of the past, feelings I haven't felt for years; I truly felt as if I had come back into direct contact with my small, cheerful, happy, vulnerable self—little Beauterham. However, these memories that presented themselves in the form of feelings felt different from the way I normally experience memories, where the narrative overshadows the emotional component. Stories with which I have seen myself identify time and again over the years, and which are thus a driving force behind the perpetuation of a feeling of not being allowed to exist as a human being. So it was very special to be able to feel memories during this trip, rather than intellectually relive them. And the experience of reliving them was powerful. It made me realize how much more in touch with my feelings as a child—feelings that I learned to suppress as much as possible from a young age as a survival mechanism.
What have I learned and realized on this second trip? I want to cherish, give attention to, and prioritize the inner child; this is now a conscious choice. There are certain things I enjoyed doing in my youth, when I was much more in touch with my own feelings. I have already done and undertaken a number of these things, and they make me childlike happy. The above also aligns seamlessly with the lesson I learned following my first trip, namely being outdoors more and playing more (together and alone).
What I have also learned is that I can experience a greater sense of quality of life by choosing to do as many 'ordinary things' as possible mindfully and by making what is good for me a daily routine. Think, for example, of eating mindfully instead of mindlessly shoveling it in while staring at a screen, or actively listening to music instead of having it in the background, doing one thing at a time. On an intellectual level, it was already clear to me that things grow when you pay attention to them, but now I understand this a bit more on an emotional level.
Extending this somewhat more abstractly, I have also learned that I can experience these richer feelings in the here and now by making greater use of all my senses; I have found that this happens naturally when I do something mindfully (I learned this when I started meditating). I have been sleeping on the same bed for years, but because it is so easy to get distracted by my thoughts, I don't stop to think about how soft the sheets are, how the texture feels on my fingers, or how floral the scent of the fabric softener is.
Now is a beautiful time to live (and learn to live) even more consciously.
marcel reacted
17 June 2019 12:16
Once again, you have written a comprehensive and beautiful review of your experience. The fact that you are in remission from your depressive episode gave me a good feeling, and I am glad that you were able to hear that diagnosis.
Thank you so much for what we got to experience together!
I would like to give you another reading tip. It concerns the two books discussed in the following article.
So it concerns these two books: When Cherishing Means Hope by John Brandshaw and The Drama of the Gifted Child.
Thank you again for your trust and the beautiful texts.
Topic starter 18 June 2019 12:24
Nice to hear Marcel, it was great doing this together! And thank you for the book tips, I've looked at the summaries and they seem interesting!
marcel reacted
16 September 2019 15:14
@beauterham:
Today I felt like reading your reviews of your 2 truffle ceremony trips to reread. I feel that joy again now that I previously got from your fantastically described trips. Who knows, maybe you should do something with your writing talent.
I hope that everything goes for you the way you want it to and that life is good to you.
Regards,
Marcel
Topic starter 13 June 2020 15:27
Hi Marcel,
A year has already passed since my last message, and I would like to share a short update with you. I am doing well; my depressive mood has not returned. I did have some gloomy moments, some difficult times, but it was not depression. The proverbial light is on, and the storm has passed.
I still regularly think back to our sessions and how special and valuable they remain to me. It is a certain warm feeling towards myself and others that resurfaces at times, as well as a deep emotional memory of who I was as a child but with whom I lost contact during my youth. This memory has been deeply healing for me; during my depression, I struggled immensely with the question of who I am. Intellectually, I tried to answer this question for myself in various ways, but ultimately, it turns out to be a feeling for me, a deep memory. In the end, I needed no words to answer the question of who I am, which is ironic for me, given that I am a verbally oriented person.
How are you and Trip Therapy doing? The website looks fantastic and I also see many great reviews from other clients 🙂
Regards,
Beauterham
marcel reacted
Page 1 / 2
next