Topic starter 8 April 2019 20:28
Last Saturday, I had the privilege of experiencing a beautiful psychedelic journey together with Marcel. What has my path been like to get here? I have a susceptibility to depression, and despite this susceptibility, I have achieved a great deal—many beautiful things that I was unable to enjoy due to depression. Underlying my last episode was a gnawing feeling; something didn't feel quite right. I started focusing on finding meaning. But even a sense of meaning could not comfort me when my love for life unconsciously drained away and the depression intensified. I am now past the peak of this episode, during which therapy helped alleviate the symptoms. What helped was the bond with my therapist, insight, and the newly learned coping strategies. However, for me, it did not fully manage to touch the core of the problem, namely the love for life. Where (psycho)therapy works on the level of the intellect, psychedelic therapy works on the level of your soul. With this insight, I went looking for something that could help me take another step forward, and that is how I ended up at Marcel.
I have read up extensively on psilocybin as a medication for the treatment of depression. Marcel employs a holistic approach; the best results are achieved during the trip through healthy nutrition, the right supplements, and sufficient exercise. And this holistic approach worked well for me; eating healthier combined with the supplements already gave me a more vital feeling prior to the trip. This was never addressed during my psychotherapy, but it is truly effective.
The intention of the trip was a level 5 trip, but ultimately it turned into a level 3-4 trip. Every body reacts differently to psilocybin, and I learned that my body therefore needs a somewhat higher dose to reach level 5. However, this did not detract from the trip; I gained beautiful insights from the process. It is truly literally a journey; at first, it slowly became increasingly difficult to formulate thoughts, then it became harder to find the right words, and eventually, I came into contact with my unconscious. The genius of it is that your subconscious knows where your difficulties and wounds lie, what needs attention, and where healing should take place. My subconscious brought me into contact with myself as a very small child, in a time when I was not yet burdened with thoughts, the sense of obligation, judgment, and punishment. As that very small me, I was able to experience feelings of sadness, relief, joy, and wonder in their purest form, without words, without thoughts, without judgment. I could actually no longer remember that little me; it feels like a lifetime ago. The little me was happy and joyful, outdoors, in nature, on the beach, in the playground, playing with his friends and little sister. This little boy loved life; he could be sad, but could also be comforted. His feelings were adaptive and not stuck fast like in my depressions. This has shown me a path that I now understand on an emotional level: a bliss in ordinariness, being outdoors more, playing more. A question I am now asking myself for the first time in my life since the trip: what does the very little me feel like doing? I don't know exactly yet, but I am going to pay a lot of attention to this in the coming time!
The contact with Marcel before and after the trip was very pleasant. Additionally, I found Marcel to be very skilled as a trip coach. I felt safe during the trip; I was extremely vulnerable, and this was handled with gentle care by Marcel. This unconditional positive approach was pleasant; it gave me the space to truly turn inward. Marcel supported me when things became difficult for me during the trip and took good care of me. I am glad we were able to make this journey together. Thank you, Marcel!
15 June 2020 09:53
I'm doing great. The corona situation did bring a bit too much quiet for my taste, though. Work is picking up again now, and Triptherapie is growing towards what was envisioned from the start. Thanks in part to well-written reviews like yours and a higher acceptance of psychedelic therapy, we hope that Triptherapie will fall under mainstream healthcare within 5 years. The site is gradually being updated and renewed. That is how everything is in motion.
It does me good to hear that the difficult moments in your life are not causing you to fall into depression. This way, you can enjoy the more beautiful things in life when they present themselves.
I wish you all the best and thank you for your time to respond,
Marcel
Beauterham reacted
Topic starter 9 July 2023 22:19
Hi Marcel and forum members,
Another 3 years have passed since my last post. I can imagine that it is interesting for some people who are also struggling with depression to get an update on my progress.
My depressions have not returned; it feels as though I have largely outgrown them (I suffered from them intermittently for about 15 consecutive years). It may sound paradoxical, but I think that the depressions ultimately proved to be the path to greater health and well-being for me. The pain of the depression turned out to be the strongest motivator for me to want to heal. I have learned that grieving is the process that leads to healing: rediscovering and learning to embrace beautiful, ugly, and damaged parts of myself that were not allowed to exist as a child and to which I was not allowed to give expression. Grieving has turned out to be the great secret for me, something I have only become aware of in the last few years; I had no conceptualization of it at first. Looking back on my first trip therapy session, it took place during a phase of my life when I was already in the process of grieving.
During trip therapy, I found an essential puzzle piece that helped me realize who I am on an emotional level. Prior to trip therapy, I tried to find an answer to this through my intellect, but I first had to feel who I was in every fiber of my being before it fully sank in. Knowing who I am on an emotional level has made it possible for me to grieve even more deeply. I now realize that grieving is a life's work for me; the more I develop as a person, the more new facets of my past (my traumas) surface that ask for love and curiosity, for which I can grieve. Carl Jung calls this process of growth 'the encirclement of the self,' the growth of a human being as a cyclical journey, not linear, but rather a series of phases and repetitions. As you grow as a person, you experience yourself in a way that was initially unknown to you, whereby new facets of your traumas (i.e., emotional wounds) also come to the forefront.
My current view of trip therapy is that it probably won't make up for a painful childhood and/or a hard life all at once, but it can be very supportive on your journey.
Marcel, it is great to see that your team has grown so much and that Triptherapie is doing well; you are doing great work!
11 July 2023 10:05
Hi @beauterham
I think it's really cool that you took the time to write a response more than four years after your session and three years after your last comment. I think your review and updates have convinced a lot of people to book a psychedelic session after all.
By nature, depression is a signal that something needs to change. It wants you to move to a different environment and, with it, a different situation that may contain the solution: the absence of triggers for anxiety or inflammation-promoting influences. It is therefore not paradoxical. It is the same as pain causing a change in behavior to protect the body.
At my reaction from 3 years ago I wrote about the expectation that Triptherapie would fall under regular care within 5 years. It seems that this is going to come true, and as a result, we also had to expand. We are going to hire some psychologists this year to be ready for the transition.
Thanks for your update, and it's very nice to read that you are doing well!
Beauterham reacted
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