Trip therapy for depression and OCD with Ronald

After nearly three years of severe depression, combined with comorbidities such as OCD, where therapies failed to bring the desired improvement, I decided to take a step that was completely outside my comfort zone: a session with psilocybin (medium dose). As someone with little experience with alcohol or drugs, this choice was incredibly nerve-wracking. But the need for change and the feeling of being stuck gave me the courage to try it anyway.

Preparation with Janneke

Janneke was my first point of contact and a tremendous support in the run-up to the session. Her warm and empathetic approach reassured me. She listened without judgment, gave practical advice, and helped me find confidence in myself and in the process. The days before the session were filled with fear. The worst part was my fear of the fear itself. I feared that all my fears would undo my preparation and that I would end up in a horror trip.

The session with Ronald

On the day of the session, I felt tension and doubt, but Ronald's quiet and calm presence ensured that I felt safe enough to embark on the experience. He had already prepared the tea and made sure I could drink it in a peaceful atmosphere. When the effects of the psilocybin began, I initially felt a huge wave of fear. I wanted to take off my headphones and eye mask. My first thought: "This is going to be a horror trip." I felt all my negative energy pressing down on my chest like a burden and needing to get out.

Ronald was there at exactly the right moment. He helped me embrace the fear and encouraged me empathetically. Then came the moment when my subconscious presented me with a choice: go all the way with the trip or keep fighting. Thanks to Ronald’s support, I was able to gather the courage to fully embrace the experience, with the confidence that I would see and feel what I needed to get better.

What I experienced then came as a great surprise to me. Instead of looking sadness, misery, and fears in the eye, my subconscious seemed to point me primarily to my beautiful and, above all, powerful sides. Yes, the depression had made me feel trapped and like I was losing my strength, but in this moment, I became aware of the beautiful qualities I had always possessed. Sometimes the energies I have are contradictory, yet I gained a deep trust that my strength lay in the collaboration between the two.

Anything I were to write about my trip would fall short of the experience. That is why I am focusing here on a moment that was particularly defining for me: an intense white light that seemed to radiate from my chest and spread throughout my entire body in the form of a feeling of physical lightness. It felt as if I were floating in a harmonious, gentle energy and getting a glimpse into my soul. It was as if I was allowed to see for a moment who I truly am, free from all the layers of self-criticism and negativity I have built up through depression. This light felt pure and innocent, a confirmation that there is something essential within me that has not been affected by my illness. My soul, my core, is intact, even after everything I have been through. This moment gave me not only hope but also a sense of peace that I had not experienced in years.

What was also remarkable was that my consciousness tried to bring all my everyday problems with me into the trip – as if now was the moment to process everything. At a certain point, through various visual symbols, I managed to detach myself from these gnawing problems and the label 'depressed'. I realized that 1) those trivialities are actually not that important, and 2) that somewhere in my consciousness there was a layer capable of distancing itself from all the 'labels' and issues. I cherish this realization. The fear of the nasty label and all the stories associated with it had caused me to give the condition too much power. It seemed as if my subconscious wanted to tell me that 'in real life' I was much less limited by my symptoms than I often thought myself. And even though 'reminders' of my problems and symptoms came, I was reminded in various ways during the trip that they couldn't get to me.

The impact and integration

These insights continue to travel with me. Everything I saw was so meaningful that I wrote a trip report to reread it every day. It was as if I had a mirror placed in my soul, and for someone who had long since lost faith in themselves, that was very important. The integration process is still fully underway. The realization that my core is intact gives me a sense of stability, but it remains a challenge to hold onto that feeling in my daily life. Old patterns such as perfectionism and self-criticism are stubborn, but I notice that I can now distance myself from them more.

Ronald was also there in the days that followed. I could always text or call him. During our integration session, he emphasized the importance of time and space to process the experience, and that is exactly what I am working on now. It is a slow process, but I feel that things have started to move.

Finally

I am infinitely grateful to Ronald for his empathetic guidance and support. You can tell that he knows what he is doing and puts people first. For anyone struggling with themselves, feeling doubtful, or afraid: this experience can help you see yourself in a new way and make room for change. It is intense and confronting, but also hopeful. I would always return to Ronald.