Topic starter 3 May 2025 15:31
My 1e trip with MDMA on my 57e at Janneke.
Like many of you, I have done div other therapies, and as a hypnotherapist I have been able to help more than 5000 clients. Hypnotherapy has already meant a lot to me, but for myself my ego was always in the way, to really make the deep transformation.
I had a special bit fitted at a dental clinic for/against teeth grinding at night. Having worked as a hypnotherapist for over 10 years, and having woken up with hypnosis to my problems, I still seem to have a lot of tension in my body at night and during the day. The dentist then talked about MDMA therapy, which she once experienced abroad, but also said it was forbidden in the Netherlands.
But I, being a doer, went right ahead and found triptherapie.nl. After looking at the site, I had both questions and answers, so I sent an e-mail to Janneke and asked my questions since this is all new to me (don't smoke, don't use alcohol and have never used drugs). Which therapy is best in my case because of trauma, always being on, high muscle tension in the legs and hip area, etc. etc.?.
The answers to my questions and the way they communicated gave me a lot of confidence. So filled in the intake form and scheduled an appointment with Janneke. ( I myself wanted to be with a woman, which is why it's nice that you can book trip therapy with either men or women )
The journey to change could begin, but had to wait another 4 weeks which I found very long ( am sometimes a bit impatient, doer he😊). Received several valuable emails the weeks before the session with good information to prepare me for the trip. We had good email contact so I was looking forward to it with confidence.
I had rented a b&b and at 10am Janneke came, and must say I was a bit nervous anyway. But Janneke was patient and explained everything well and I soon felt at ease. After 45 minutes it was time to take the MDMA I was offered 2 pills in a nice way ( on a bowl in the shape of a heart made by her mother).
After about half an hour I still didn't notice much (I had also taken a small breakfast 3 hours before the session, very stupid). That's why she gave me another pill, she was honest and said she didn't want to give me too much because what goes in I can't take out anymore. For me it is nice to know that there is an experienced person there to take care of you.
After another half-hour or so, I started to feel different anyway, and felt more connected to myself and also found more connection towards Janneke. I noticed that I enjoyed talking about things I don't do otherwise. Although I did feel like I was always very present in my head, but I am always good at that the head says go on and don't whine. ( but my ego had taken a bit of a back seat anyway)
Like several people, I too have experienced various things that are not so nice. For example, at 17e lost my elder brother and his girlfriend in a car accident due to the fault of the other driver who had drunk way too much ( it was the carnival weekend) You can perhaps imagine that that I our house with 5 children and the eldest falls away life doesn't get any easier. My parent were obviously very sad ( but no memory of seeing my father cry) and my mother almost declared my late brother a saint. So that I could never do anything right again. So I only started doing more and trying harder for maybe to receive love from my mother. I myself started doing everything my brother did ( 21 then) exactly the same way I really stepped into him completely. ( done family constellation before that too, with no real results)
I had an otherwise fine childhood but my parents gave their love by doing what they did for us, and I was totally fine with that. ( but in my memory never heard them say that they loved me) But in the mdma session and the weeks after, it came to the surface that I have to do a lot, not make mistakes, keep everything I control, never be weak, not show sadness and was ashamed when I did. So doing a lot to give love and can or have a lot of trouble receiving love. Doing a lot has brought me a lot and I am happy with that too, but I am starting to run out a bit. I don't want to do, do, do any more but want to feel.
For instance, with our first babies ( twins), after a very hard pregnancy and a lot of problems with the hospital, we had to come out with an emergency caesarean section after 29 weeks and 1 unfortunately died after 10 days. And even after that, I went back to doing that and never really mourned or cried because I didn't know how to. ( never learned) And similarly with a few other traumatic situations in my life, don't cry, show weakness but move on.
For instance, the mdma trip also revealed that I still enjoy experiencing/experiencing something from before, but now as an adult. And that is to be blindfolded, which may sound weird to write this as an adult. But as a child, I found that a fun game. And the insight it gave during the mdma and the weeks after is that, above all, it gives me something else. The blindfold allows me to let go of control, be allowed to be weak, be off balance, be innocent and uninhibited so just be a child. And much more importantly that people also see it and understand that you are/do then because you are blindfolded and so I am not ashamed.
I also discussed various parts with Janneke on the bed with the blindfold on and the music playing in the background, and TRE happened spontaneously. Which all together lasted about 1 hour I think. I noticed that because of the music and the mdma the TRE was different from when I do it alone at home.
The whole trip I was accompanied with love and attention by Janneke, and she was present when needed and reassured me, and she also said that everything could be shared and nothing was strange to her, and I was glad to hear that. Because yes, shame did rise in me.
In the follow-up discussion with Janneke, it came up that the blindfold is more of an opening/key to what I might want. So I was given the tip to make myself a bit more vulnerable. The vulnerability thing I have started working on, but is still a challenge. Fortunately, we have another trip booked to explore the underlying issues and or openings
But have made myself vulnerable with this review to share my story with you, so we move forward 😊
Janneke thanks again.
Gr Frans.
Topic starter 15 May 2025 08:10
The 2e trip was a Hippie flip,
This was after consultation with Janneke, because on the first trip I was too much in my head and therefore wanted to keep directing the process ( that ego again 😊) I wanted and went into this trip without expectation or direct direction.
After taking the mdma and about 40 min later the truffles via a cup of tea and later another half cup, and I liked these very much. Lie down on the bed upstairs, with Janneke having already put on the music. Our bedroom did show some patterns, both in the curtains and the wallpaper of one wall. A large picture of my wife and I also became more vivid. These patterns started to move slightly and colours of purple and green were added. Janneke's face also started moving a bit more. Janneke asked how I was feeling and how things were going, and since I was doing okay, she suggested it was okay to go inside by putting on the blindfold.
After putting on the blindfold, the images/hallucinations started. (I didn't expect these because I had read on the site that they didn't occur much during a hippie trip) I did and I was very happy about that. I could then just let it happen. A recurring head of some kind of harlequin/demon in a black background with a long nose came forward and back again. Sometimes I was in the middle of it and through the music they kept coming, which was quite spicy to calm down. When it just started to get calmer they came again, after about 6 times I thought well not again hey, I can't, I can't ( now after the session I know I was working through my problems with that)
It gave me never an anxious feeling, but that was also definitely because I felt Janneke's presence and sometimes heard it. That made me feel safe that I was in good hands. During this spirited battle with the harlequin, what I had written about on the first trip also kept coming up in my thoughts/feelings. After I became calmer and Janneke also noticed this, she indicated that I should look for peace and self-love within me.
I just could not manage to find and/or feel self-love within me. So I asked Janneke for help to hold her hand. Yes and then I immediately felt love flowing into me. Fortunately, Janneke also realised this and advised me again to look for it within myself. That wasn't easy but I am just happy with Janneke's honest advice.
There were a few times in the trip with seeking self-love that I did experience peace in my body. But I also know that I felt desperate because I didn't know how to activate self-love. But beautiful insights definitely came in this trip, because that harlequin/demon turned out to be very similar to the picture of myself hanging above our bed. And then definitely came the insight I do it to myself so I am also the one who can change it.
A few days after the trip, I noticed that peace has entered me, even when I think back on what I have experienced in my life. Now I am exploring how to activate self-love in my. I already know that in my already 3 trip I like to be completely open to embrace self-love.
Janneke you were top again, thank you for your safety, love and attention but also to your bearing and honesty towards me which made my trip very special and beautiful. I am also super happy that I went for the Hippie Flip.
Gr Frans.