MDMA + IFS = GOLD

Hi!

After 3x MDMA and applying IFS, with Ronald making me easily accessible, I am ready to say and write: what an interesting and fascinating inner world I have!

Over the past few months, I have met my trauma parts and have come to love many of them. Incidentally, the same applies to my protective parts. By getting to know and understand them all, I felt and continue to feel even more acutely how terribly I suffered in my childhood.
My parents, also traumatized, abused me in a narcissistic way: Marieke had to be destroyed.
I became a trumpet with 3 buttons. Those buttons were the roles assigned to me, one of which was: you are bad and we must be there for us, always. You have no life of your own.
My big, sweet heart was abused and locked away. The consequences of the narcissism were totally disruptive: I truly had no life.

I subsequently received various diagnoses: depression, burnout, anxiety disorder, and PTSD. And I 'therapyd' for years and years, both conventional and alternative. I learned a lot from it, but it didn't help, not really.
And I thought it was my fault: wasn't I trying hard enough? Was I stupid? Didn't I deserve it? What am I overlooking?
But the worst part was: I didn't understand myself, I was terribly ashamed, felt guilty, and wanted to die.
Why did I stay stuck in the past so much? After all, I had a nice life now, didn't I?

But at the same time, always, I felt: there must be a way out.
But where is the gate to that world where it is safe, where the sky is blue, the sun shines, I feel a spring breeze and smell the grass under my feet?
Completely stuck, I started on MDMA and IFS.

And now? Now I stand in the middle. My Self is there for all the parts that need me; I really want to get to know them even better and grow veeeeery old together with them ;-).

So: are you reading this? And do you recognize yourself in this? Then the website 'het verdwenen zelf' might be enlightening for you.
And go to Ronald! Trust him. The combination of MDMA and IFS is gold!
Much love to you all.
Marieke