Topic starter 15 May 2023 21:16
Hello nosy folks,
Prior to my participation, I spoke with various people. I noticed that I needed this. Brainstorming about their experiences and my ideas about what to expect was beneficial to me. The conversations revolved around letting go of control, and that seemed quite daunting to me. Getting stuck somewhere was also something I thought: That really shouldn't happen to me. After all the questions I had sent by email were answered, I felt much calmer. So, ask anything.
What an experience. While drinking the first drink, I said (inwardly) to my body: I trust you. I was immediately touched by this, because I could feel that my body appreciated it. (Don't ask how I felt that, but I felt it.) And it gave me back: yes, I can guide you through this; how nice that you are leaving this to me. Deleted link
The music that was already playing upon arrival was now becoming more and more part of my experience. After about 20 minutes, I lay down on a small bed. The theme for this session was Liberation. You were free to reflect on this and decide whether or not to include it in your session. I could relate to this theme and aligned my intentions with it. My intention for the session was: I want to liberate myself from my traumas.
Various pieces of music alternated. At a certain point, I felt enormously comforted by the music. But was I being comforted by the music, or did the music serve to open up/bring to light my capacity to comfort myself? The latter was the case, and that was truly a revelation. If that applies to comfort, then it applies to so much more.
To feel that I am not doing so badly (in life / in my life) is really something different than thinking this.
To feel that my mother isn't doing such a bad job either is really something different than thinking this.
Feeling your child energy returning is really something different from daydreaming about it.
Toen ik eenmaal mijn kind-energie voelde, heb ik hier zoooooooo lang van genoten. Wat had ik een pret. Daarnaast voelde ik hoe gezellig en lief ik ben. Er is geen enkel trauma aan bod gekomen. Het voelen terugkomen van mijn kind-energie was het bewijs van de beginnende?bevrijding. (Weet/voel nog niet hoe ver de sessie me heeft gebracht in mijn bevrijding. Dat ga ik in mijn dagelijks leven ervaren)
This weekend I was with my mother. And I gave her a hug. Giving that hug was already an important moment during the session. My mother was never hugged when she was younger. And instead of just feeling sad for her and feeling sad for myself too (because she always hugged me in a very stiff/robotic way), I was now able to feel and realize the following: Who am I to deny my mother the hug she might need so badly? Especially when I know better than anyone what a good hug feels like. Just like a child can. That really touched me deeply during the session. I had actually resolved not to put any more energy into her. It was my turn for once. Yet, when I lay there on that little bed and felt all the love I have to give, it was suddenly a no-brainer. Once sober again, I did get quite restless/nervous at the thought that I was actually going to do this, but as time went on, I only became calmer. It has truly become a beautiful moment between us. I have already gotten a lot out of the session, and only one week has passed.
And furthermore, I can only say: You are really in good hands. I felt safe the whole time. Sometimes I opened my eyes for a moment to look at the artwork and saw out of the corner of my eye that the staff were observing or talking to participants who needed it. Funnily enough, I also liked seeing that a staff member had brought a book along to read. Of course, this is only possible if everyone is enjoying themselves.
Treat yourself to this experience. There was also a participant who had received this as a gift from a friend. Wow, what a gift. I will definitely participate in a follow-up session. First, I just need to let this experience sink in properly.
Ronald and Janneke, thank you so much, also for your good care. (I have a few tears in my eyes now)
Chirp Blackbird