Topic starter 28 October 2022 16:55
I am Thomas Stam, and in 2013, I tried to save a girl whose bicycle was stolen. I paid for this with a brain trauma, left-sided paralysis, and a 10-year rehabilitation process. I can no longer remember this incident because I was in an artificial coma. As a result, the memory of that day is present, but it is not properly stored, and I can no longer access it.
My goal for the session is to go back to the incident and explore what happened, especially how I felt at the time. This is to ultimately get even better in touch with myself, so that I can live more freely and consciously in the future.
The therapy:
The session was held at my home.
Marcel rang the doorbell and we had a little chat.
Marcel told me about the session that I needed to remain curious and not be afraid, as feelings or thoughts from my brain trauma might surface that I had not felt or seen before. I was told not to be afraid and to be curious; this was advice that would be of enormous help to me during my trip.
I consumed the truffle drink over a period of about 5 minutes; it was a medium dose, and I took it all at once so that the effects would be most intense but wouldn't last as long as they would if I took it in multiple doses. Within fifteen minutes, I felt the first effects. Everything was moving, and after this, I became physically tired, as if I needed to lie down.
I lay down on my bed with a mask on. The effects without the mask were too overwhelming and intense to experience. Nothing mattered anymore.
I went on a journey through my own brain. I followed a girl in the dark. 'Over here, over there, or maybe even here,' she kept running ahead, and I instinctively kept following her because I saw she was scared; I wanted to save her. It was completely dark; she kept hiding behind the next wall that loomed into view. As if she wanted to hide from something or someone, but she just kept running. I moved faster and faster in bed, because she was going faster and faster. I ran after her.
Until one moment I suddenly felt very anxious, abandoned, and alone. Nothing seemed smaller and everything seemed bigger.
And BOOM! I just kept moving in my bed under the covers, running, panting, groaning, sweating, crying, laughing, feeling, hitting, and processing for 3 hours. Everything had to be felt. I was reliving my trauma, and this time I was fully present. I lay in all sorts of angles on my bed and twisted in every direction. I tried to fight and run for all I was worth. The spasm in my left leg began to flare up violently. After that, I had to feel what I couldn't reach in an attempt to make every fiber my own again. For 10 minutes, I lay with my left leg up in the air, shaking the spasm out, thinking, groaning, and screaming.
And suddenly I was able to make it stop. Purely by realizing that everything with a beginning must also have an end. Everything you can possibly imagine, too. It had to end sometime.
Then suddenly there was light again. What I could no longer see before, what I had lost. I can suddenly feel all good energies again and I see all the people I care about. They are all giving me positive energy. I even feel the energies of deceased people, like those of my grandfathers. I can feel their positive energy too. Perhaps because they were still alive during my accident.
All this in pitch darkness in front of me, with a sweaty mask on. I sweated liters, by now almost naked with only my pants on. Marcel would occasionally make a reassuring sound: 'You are safe in your own room, everything will be fine'. The session was completely filled with music coming from a small speaker Marcel had brought along. Often very beautiful and relaxing, and sometimes not at all.
After this, I gently 'woke up' again. And I was able to share my first experiences with Marcel.
I felt things I haven't felt since my accident: a primal anger that wanted to come out. Screaming and hitting my pillows.
My body no longer allowed me to get truly angry to protect myself. A blow to the head and it was over immediately. This was not allowed to happen again. I know this now. Now I can handle this.
The girl I heard, followed, and wanted to save on my trip was the girl I tried to help on July 1, 2013.
For a moment, I was able to look beyond time. Everything and every moment happens infinitely many times. I saw a room with countless doors, in every doorway the same situation plays out. The same moment, the same time, and infinitely many options and possible outcomes. One choice can change everything. This has given me the insight that precisely because of this, I can determine my own destiny, and that I largely hold my own fate in my own hands. I consciously choose the good. The option of light, not darkness.
I have been allowed to explore the darkest sides within myself, to now know that there is always light beyond.
And all that by following that girl who whispered so sweetly. That girl from 2013.
I was never afraid. But it was certainly scary.
I no longer have any regrets (about what happened to me) after this session either, because I now know that my intentions were truly good when I tried to help the girl. I remember that again. I wanted to help and save her, and then it happened to me. Just as it suddenly happened to me during the trip when I was following the girl and eventually wanted to save her.
I doubted this until my trip because I could no longer remember it.
I am so happy that I know this again, I cannot describe it.
So all in all, I am very enthusiastic, happy, and satisfied with what this experience has brought me. I hadn't expected it to be so intense. It was really hard work. It is truly the most absurd thing I have ever experienced. Intense is an understatement. That this is possible, wow! But by not being afraid, trusting in myself, and being curious, I succeeded. I can now set new goals and get to work with the new connections that have been made.
A few days after my trip, I am still discovering new things and am curious what the future holds for me.
My mother told me, when I recounted my experience to her and spoke about that prehistoric man, that she saw the 'old Thomas' from before the accident sitting there and heard him talking. I find this very special.
Master of my own mind!!!